Is waiting really the right thing to do?

  Why should we wait for something that may or may not be possible in the end? Is it worth it? I don't think it's a matter of if its worth it but of how much we really want it. I have liked my dear friend for four years and he has liked me for the same. When do u stop waiting? I know I will have to either have him in my life as something more than a friend or completely get rid of him. I care too much about him to marry any other guy while he is in my life. We have talked about marriage, dating, and other things but we have never really been anything other than friends. About a year ago we were what both of us wants in a spouse but now adays he changes a few things of what he wants. For a while there I would tweak myself to fit this new profound wants but each time it was never enough. It is always never enough. I have gotten to the point to where I have gotten tired of waiting for some probable thing to happen with him.
  The crazy thing is everyone can see how much he cares about me but I don't think he does. I'm not for sure he will ever realize it until I'm gone and by that point I will be married to someone else. But to get to that point where I can marry someone else I will have to get rid of him out of my life. It's about time for me to move on from this incredible guy. My problem with this ultimatum is I want him to care about me more than a friend, I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. So how do I convince myself to walk way from someone who I care about so much? I guess I will have to just do it and not let anything creep into my mind while I do it except my objective.

Is being alone that bad after all?

Lately I have been getting tried of all the crap people seem to protrude out of their mouths. I miss the days when life was simpler, where the only person I had to care about was myself and my few close friends. I give as much as I can to the people around me and it seems every time I do I get spat on. What's the point of having all these friends in your life if that is the end result? The thing that keeps me going on is knowing that even in the smallest way my kindness could help them to keep going on. Once a long time ago someone I knew committed suicide, this person really liked me and I could never understand why. When I began to finally see some of what this person saw, this person was fighting a personal battle that led to their untimely demise. I felt guilty because if I could have just gotten out of myself for two seconds, and become friends with him like I wanted and felt like I should have, maybe he would be here today. After that day I made a promise to always be there for anyone who comes into my life, even if it is only for a second. The answer to the title of this post is no, its not that bad to be alone. The problem with keeping to yourself and not making as many new friends as you can is "what if you could have been the person to save their life?"

  Something that has been on my mind lately is why we choose to do certain things. For example kiss/ flirt with a person that we claim we are not interested in, or we care about a person so stinkin much but they are never good enough in our eyes to date them/ see them as something more. Are we as a people so vain to not open our eyes and see things as they really are? I have done these things several times in my life, but what is the cause of this? Is it vanity or could it be we are scared to finally have what we always wanted? "Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible- it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could." Barbara De Angelis. This so called transformation is scary but in the end we are so much happier. It's better to have loved than to have never loved at all. 
   We are sometimes scared to get close to those we care for the most because Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Maybe that is the same for loving someone. Maybe we should let go of our worries and uncertainties and put them in Gods hands and give it a shot. I guess this is something I will be thinking alot about.

Choices

    I love how I go from living in Kentucky to moving out west and two years after being here I almost get proposed twice not even a year after the other. Me turning down pretty much both to have the chance to serve my mission. I am very blessed to have these opportunities but in reality was it a mistake? In some eyes it seems to be a horrible decision but what type of person am I to put my needs before the Lords? He would have never gave me this desire to serve if I was not meant to.
    It seems alot of people are so worried about getting married they forget the bigger picture. Yes in reality getting married is in the end the desired result but do people seem to rush it or take too long to take the plunge? I tried to explain to the first that what was missing was the spirit in our relationship. He was focused more on other things like stopping me from going on my mission because he was "too selfish" to let me serve the Lord and he was so consumed on making money. Don't get me wrong this desire is awesome but you should put the Lord first above making money. You can have all the money in the world and still be miserable without the Lord in your life. You have to figure out what matters most in this life. Worldly things or Godly things, Right here right now happiness or eternal happiness?
    Now for the most amazing man I have ever had the privilege of dating supports my decision and who has respected me in every way unlike the other. I find it harder to leave this time. Maybe it was his boldness having this serious talk with us only having the chance of being together for just a couple weeks, I will admit it was quite refreshing. To have a real man sharing his feelings and us discussing both of our feelings. The first man I almost got engaged to just assumed I would say yes without a doubt, because in his meaty eyes any woman my age would jump at a marriage proposal. I guess he didn't know me as well as he thought he did.
      I believe in something more in this life than the mediocre expectations of others before me. I believe in something more real, more powerful, more beautiful than you can ever imagine. When I love, I love with all my heart. I could see me actually falling for this second man. It would take me awhile but I could see it happening after several months of being together. Good thing I wont have to think of silly boys for 18 months. :) I have made my choice and it is official, I'm going on a mission.

True Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder?

  Beauty is defined as the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest). What makes a person truly beautiful? Is it perfect hair, skin, teeth, body, an a symmetrical face? Or could it be more than that? There has been much debate on what makes someone beautiful but in my opinion it is more than what you see on the outside but it is much deeper than that. I know a ton of people who are beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside making them 10 times less attractive making that beauty they had disappear. There is more to a person than what is skin deep.

Do you really know me as well as you think you do?

  So many of you do not know how silly I am at times. Usually only my closest friends know but I am feeling generous to you all today. So I had a very special moment today. (Please note I am really sick and quite out of it) My sister and I decided to start working out everyday. Well I promised my docs at chamber's medical group I would baby my neck. So I got the bright idea that maybe if I wore a neck brace I could work out more. As I work out for several mins I feel sore like I had just hardcore worked out for about an hour. I also realized that a neck brace helps with nothing while working out. I also learned that maybe it is not the best idea to work out when you are sick. haha
  Now onto another part of my day I am looking at a camera (taking pictures of myself and such) then all the sudden the security censor thing starts going off like crazy. I quickly put it back and look around trying to figure out how to fix it. I look around and all these ppl stop to stare at me. I quickly stop trying to fix it and walk away. 
  You know how they have samples at Sam's club right? Well I walk right up to this table that had this man selling this weight loss drink and he had samples out. So I go to drink it. Look at the sign as it is in my mouth and it has coffee bean and tea in it. I spit it back in the cup and pretend it tasted so good. Continued in good conversation with the man and slickly threw it away. 

  On a normal note I found some unique wood glasses on my desperate search to find a wicked new pair. So here is a pic of them. :) Hope you all enjoyed a little bit into my simple but sillyish day today. 

Everything happens for a reason

  Many times people blame God and resent him for the things that happen in their lives, when in truth they should be thankful for them. Even though they may be too hard for anyone to bare the thing to remember is we can bare them. We may travel through gunk and mud but we all need to remember to hold our heads high and look to the Lord. We may not know now why certain things happen but we will one day know why we had to go through certain things in this life. Always remember you will one day know these things. God puts things in our lives to make us more like unto him, it depends on how we handle these things if we truly are converted in our hearts to God or not. Cherish life this, you never know what day will be your last.