Is waiting really the right thing to do?

  Why should we wait for something that may or may not be possible in the end? Is it worth it? I don't think it's a matter of if its worth it but of how much we really want it. I have liked my dear friend for four years and he has liked me for the same. When do u stop waiting? I know I will have to either have him in my life as something more than a friend or completely get rid of him. I care too much about him to marry any other guy while he is in my life. We have talked about marriage, dating, and other things but we have never really been anything other than friends. About a year ago we were what both of us wants in a spouse but now adays he changes a few things of what he wants. For a while there I would tweak myself to fit this new profound wants but each time it was never enough. It is always never enough. I have gotten to the point to where I have gotten tired of waiting for some probable thing to happen with him.
  The crazy thing is everyone can see how much he cares about me but I don't think he does. I'm not for sure he will ever realize it until I'm gone and by that point I will be married to someone else. But to get to that point where I can marry someone else I will have to get rid of him out of my life. It's about time for me to move on from this incredible guy. My problem with this ultimatum is I want him to care about me more than a friend, I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. So how do I convince myself to walk way from someone who I care about so much? I guess I will have to just do it and not let anything creep into my mind while I do it except my objective.

Is being alone that bad after all?

Lately I have been getting tried of all the crap people seem to protrude out of their mouths. I miss the days when life was simpler, where the only person I had to care about was myself and my few close friends. I give as much as I can to the people around me and it seems every time I do I get spat on. What's the point of having all these friends in your life if that is the end result? The thing that keeps me going on is knowing that even in the smallest way my kindness could help them to keep going on. Once a long time ago someone I knew committed suicide, this person really liked me and I could never understand why. When I began to finally see some of what this person saw, this person was fighting a personal battle that led to their untimely demise. I felt guilty because if I could have just gotten out of myself for two seconds, and become friends with him like I wanted and felt like I should have, maybe he would be here today. After that day I made a promise to always be there for anyone who comes into my life, even if it is only for a second. The answer to the title of this post is no, its not that bad to be alone. The problem with keeping to yourself and not making as many new friends as you can is "what if you could have been the person to save their life?"

  Something that has been on my mind lately is why we choose to do certain things. For example kiss/ flirt with a person that we claim we are not interested in, or we care about a person so stinkin much but they are never good enough in our eyes to date them/ see them as something more. Are we as a people so vain to not open our eyes and see things as they really are? I have done these things several times in my life, but what is the cause of this? Is it vanity or could it be we are scared to finally have what we always wanted? "Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible- it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could." Barbara De Angelis. This so called transformation is scary but in the end we are so much happier. It's better to have loved than to have never loved at all. 
   We are sometimes scared to get close to those we care for the most because Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Maybe that is the same for loving someone. Maybe we should let go of our worries and uncertainties and put them in Gods hands and give it a shot. I guess this is something I will be thinking alot about.